look for the girl with the broken smile (ask her if she wants to stay)
by the46captainswanfiles
Summary: a fluffy captain swan fic I wrote because i've been so upset lately about everything. a canon divergence that takes places in 5x08; emma unites excaliber and the darkness is vanquished. she and killian return home, and find that moving in together isn't as easy as they thought it might be. (title from maroon 5's "she will be loved")
1. Chapter 1

Being in such a large house with so few people took some getting used to.

When she was growing up, it was always the opposite. When she lived with the Swans, their house had been small, but reasonable for three people (which was likely why they gave her up the second they found out they were going to have a baby of their own). When she lived in Foster homes, she had lived in big houses with lots of people- she remembers, now, the time she spent with Ingrid. Her house had been large, but full of other foster children, making the large amount of space seem like nothing. And the loft had been spacious, but the amount of people who lived there and the lack of privacy made the loft seem like there was no room at all.

Now, however, things were different.

She had loved living with her parents and brother, she really had, but there had been no _space._ But when she moved out of the loft and into the large, light blue house with the view of the ocean and the three extra rooms, there was almost _too much_ space.

Talking about moving in with each other had been one thing; actually getting the idea off the ground was another. Returning from Camelot was one thing; it had taken efforts from both Merlin and Regina, both of whom were drained by the time it was over.

(Emma had refused to use magic; although Merlin assured her that the darkness was gone, vanquished forever, Emma still didn't trust herself. She was quickly backed up by her parents, Killian doing nothing more than wrapping a supportive arm around her waist and allowing her to lean on him).

Emma was both emotionally and physically drained when they were finally back in Storybrooke, and she could say the same of everyone else. Zelena was quickly returned to her cell, Robin assuring that the baby was okay before leaving and returning with Regina to her large mayoral mansion. Henry went with her, insisting that he wanted to sleep in his old bed that night, even though Emma could tell he had other reasons. Belle went to the pawn shop, dark bags under her eyes but still insisting on staying up and finding a way to wake up Rumpelstiltskin. After ensuring the rest of the group was alright, Emma followed her parents home, her eyes drooping as she leaned heavily on Killian, the four of them not speaking as they took the short walk to the loft.

Killian was fully prepared to part ways with Emma when they reached the front door, her parents shuffling in quickly to put her little brother to bed. Before he could unclasp his fingers from her's, however, she tugged on his arm lightly, stealing some of her father's sweatpants before dragging him upstairs to her room, collapsing onto her bed.

"You tired?" She asked him, standing and making her way to look in her mirror to figure out how to take off her dress without her mother's help.

Killian's eyes were half shut, so asking him the question was futile. She saw no harm in grabbing her pajamas out of the drawer and struggling to untie her dress, but her attempts failed and another hand and cool metal were quickly placed over her hands, the ties of her dress coming apart.

"I am quite tired, Swan." He whispered against her ear in response, making her shiver. "Which is why I intend to get you out of this dress and into your pajamas so that you can join me in bed and I can hold you."

Emma smiled. "I was serious, Killian." She responded. "Back in Camelot. I do what a future with you. I do want to move in with you. And I want to be able to sleep in the same bed as you and not worry about the fact that my parents and little brother can hear everything we are doing."

"And what is it that we're doing?" Killian teased, teeth running over her earlobe.

She smirked in response. "Well, it's not like we're going to be tired after we sleep for a few hours. And once we wake up, well-"

A voice cut her off before she could go on, her father yelling from downstairs, "You know, just because you're whispering doesn't mean that we can't hear you!"

Emma groaned, leaning her head back against Kilian's shoulder as he chuckled. "Do me a favor, Killian?"

"Anything, love." He responded, arms warm around her waist.

"Promise me we can move into that house sooner rather than later."

She felt him smirk against her neck. "I promise."

* * *

 _Sooner rather than later_ turned out to be a two weeks later, boxes strewn all across the new house and furniture placed scarcely. The only room they had furnished in a rush was Henry's room, the one that was all the way down the hall from theirs ("Mom, I am _not_ sharing wall with you two. I don't need to be scarred even more at age fourteen."). They both figured that Henry needed some place to sleep, and they wanted the home to make a good first impression, so the room was furnished and ready for Henry only a few days after they moved in, his first time staying the night after staying with Regina.

(He'd claim he didn't sleep on the floor next to his mother and her boyfriend's air mattress the first night being in a new house, but he did).

(Killian thought it was sweet; Henry swore them to secrecy).

The next room they decided to furnish was their bedroom; sleeping on an air mattress was not ideal, nor was keeping their clothes in boxes and strewn across the floor. Still, it wasn't as if the air mattress was stopping them- although they loved having Henry live with them, the freedom they had to christen every part of the house was limited.

(So they just did it _before_ Henry arrived).

(It was likely why no boxes were unpacked).

Their first fight over the house is about what color to make their room; Emma argues for maroon but Killian wants tan. She says that it's a nice color and he says that his color will match more, but she says his color is boring to which he responds that hers is to out there.

The whole thing ends badly, him leaving to get a drink with David while she lies on the floor of their bedroom, gazing around at the too-blue walls of their bedroom that needs to be changed. He comes back a few hours later and wraps his arms around her, lightly kissing her neck before muttering, "I don't care what color out bedroom is, Love. The only thing I care about is that we have an actual bed."

They end up painting the walls tan, getting a dark bedroom set to go with their wooden floors as well as a soft white rug that covers only part of the floor, half of it under the bed and the rest surrounding the area. Their bed spread is dark green and brown and cream, and they have so many pillows she can barely count, but most are discarded to the floor at night.

The kitchen is the simplest; they merely buy a wooden table and a few chairs, their appliances already there. Their living room is what stresses her the most. She's no decorator, never has been, but they're supposed to be having a house warming party in a week and a half and furniture is somewhat of a necessity.

She's done decorating in a week, after bossing her father and boyfriend and son and Robin around for hours so that everything was in the perfect spot. In the end, there's a coffee table with a couch and two chairs surrounding it, another table in the section near the window which quickly becomes the place where the three of them eat. There's a TV and some more tables, a bookshelf and a fireplace, and with her two boys with her and the fire burning, she's never felt more at home.

* * *

"We should get a pet." It's Henry who brings it up one night, while he's sitting at the table doing his homework and Emma and Killian are on the couch with their arms wrapping around each other, him drifting off and her reading the book she had started months ago and could finally finish.

Emma's eyes widen and she looks back at her son with wide eyes. "Henry, we just moved in. Is that really the best time to get a pet?"

Henry shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, we've just moved in, so the pet would be just as new as we would. And plus, this house is so big and quiet. Why not bring someone else into the family?"

"Killian," Emma looked to him for support, but he shrugged.

"I don't know, I mean, it's not the worst idea." Killian yawned. "I don't see why not."

Which is exactly why Emma is standing in an animal shelter the next day, watching as Henry gets attacked by husky puppies. Killian is sitting next to them, a girl with grey and white fur and blue eyes as blue as his licking his face while Killian pets her on the head.

Once Henry is no longer being attacked, the puppies off mauling each other, he says, "she likes you," to Killian, whose puppy is now lying in his lap.

"You think?" Killian asks, smiling down at the puppy.

Henry nods. "She hasn't left your side. And she seems sweet. What do you say, Mom? Think this is the one?"

Killian shoots her puppy dog eyes just like Henry and the small, cute puppy lying between the two of them, and she breaks, the three of them walking out of the shelter as four.

* * *

Maya, as they have affectionately names her after the dog from _Eight Below_ because Henry loves the movie and she was his favorite dog, is a monster. She runs all around the house and scratches their new floors and eats their furniture and her shoes and pees _everywhere_. Emma is bitter and still has yet to warm up to the puppy, but she's got Killian and Henry wrapped around her little paw which is growing bigger every day.

Killian especially.

He's home with puppy most days, training her and feeding her and sleeping on the couch with her (which Emma came home to after a few weeks and was extremely angry because _that dog is not supposed to be on their brand new couch)._ He spends all the time in the world with the puppy _and_ pays attention to her, so the puppy clearly has a favorite, much to Henry's discontent.

It's not until they have Maya for almost a month were Emma starts to warm up to her.

Killian and she are lying in bed on early Saturday morning, neither of them having any motivation whatsoever to get out of bed, Henry seemingly still asleep. It's slowly transitioning into fall in Storybrooke, the room as cold as her feet which she attempts to slip between his legs, but he flinches away at the feel of her cold feet against his warm calves.

"You're cold." He groans against her neck.

Emma smiled. "And you're warm. So suck it up and warm me up."

He sighs but does as she says, jumping again as her feet come in contact with his legs. It's her turn to sigh, but this time it's content, and he doesn't complain any further.

Well, she's content until she hears clinking metal and four small paws walking through the hallway, the door being shoved open by her head and suddenly Maya's in the room, her ear perked up and her tail wagging.

"Hey, girl." Killian greeted, patting the bed and welcoming her up. Emma tried to protest but Maya is taking a running stop and jumping up onto the bed before she can say anymore, walking up the bed and lying flat on Emma's chest, tongue finding her face.

"Oh," Emma gasped in surprise, the puppy continuing her assault. "Oh, alright."

She meets Killian's smiling eyes, petting the dogs head as she wags her tail rapidly.

"I think someone wants to get on your good side." Killian commented, reaching out to pet the puppy's back.

Emma giggled. "Well, it might be working."

* * *

It's a few weeks after that they have the worst fight they've ever had.

It's late, long after Henry's gone to bed, and the two of them are up whisper screaming at each other, each throwing in from the most cliché fights that a couple could have.

It started when Killian went to take their white wash out of the laundry, finding everything pink. She told him that he did the laundry, so it had to have been him. He told her that he _hadn't_ done the white wash because it was the third Saturday of the month and that was the night that he, Robin and David went out, so he couldn't have done it. She quickly retaliated with, "You put the laundry in right before you left! Maybe if you weren't so eager to leave the house, you would have done it right!'

Killian's jaw clenched. "I'm sorry that I need to get out of the house sometimes! Your father, Robin and I all have other lives outside of each other, you know! That night is the only night where we don't have any responsibilities!"

"Well maybe you should try to be responsible and not screw up the white wash!" Emma's harsh tone set Maya off, the previously sleeping puppy standing up and padding her way into the kitchen, sitting in between the two.

"Well maybe you should do the laundry for once!" Killian snapped back.

He did have a fair point; Emma worked more than he did, him only being needed at his job down at the docks on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, so he did most of the house work. Still, that didn't make her any less angry. "Well I'm sorry that I have to work and support this family while you get to lie around at home!"

"Are you serious?" Killian hissed. "Yes, you work every day and I work three, but you barely have any cases! At least I'm being _productive_ down at the docks!"

Emma scowled. "If you think waiting around and waiting for people who want to rent boats is productive, then sure, I guess!"

"You know that is not all that I do!" Killian retorted. "Besides, all you do at the station is sit around and wait for cases at the station, so you can't really be telling me that what I do isn't helpful."

"At least I'm helping the public!" Emma's voice raised.

Killian responded at the same volume, "You know what, it doesn't matter. If you're the one who's providing all the money for the house, then maybe I shouldn't even be here!"

"Maybe you shouldn't!" Emma snapped back.

"Fine!" Killian shouted, grabbing his coat off the chair and storming out the door, slamming it behind him, Emma's shouted, "fine!" turning into a sob.

Leaning back against the sink, Emma buried her face in her hands, leaning back against the fridge. Maya pranced to sit next to her, placing her head on Emma's lap and lightly licking her hand. Emma barely heard footsteps through her sobs, but the yelling must have woken Henry. He stood at the bottom of the stairs, brown hair in disarray, tired eyes matching his plaid pajamas. As soon as he met eyes with his mother, his eyes softened and he made his way to sit next to her, wrapping an arm around her and allowing her to lean on him.

It was another ten minutes before Henry made a move to stand up, Maya asleep again and Emma's sobs turning into small gasps. He laced his fingers with his mother's, pulling her up and taking her with him up the stairs, helping her into bed before lying down next to her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked after a moment. Maya had followed them up and was licking the salty tears off Emma's face, but it wasn't stopping them.

Emma shook her head lightly in response. "No. I just want to sleep and pretend it didn't happen."

"Alright." Henry responded. He knew better than to push his mother. "Goodnight, mom."

"Night, Henry." But that didn't mean Emma was going to fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It's not until three days later when she sees him again, while she's out at lunch with Henry and Regina. He and Robin make their way into the diner, both of them smiling at something she was clueless about. She almost felt like sinking down in the booth, not allowing him to see her so that he could keep that smile on his face.

But she was too late, and their eyes met after only a second, as if he could sense her presence. His smiled faded and he shot a death glare towards Robin, who shrugged. Emma did the same to Henry, who gave his mother a, ' _really?'_ look.

"If I hadn't done this, you two would have been too stubborn to fix this." Henry told his mother. "So I am going to stay with mom and Robin, and you two are going to work this out because you are both going to be miserable until you do."

Emma rolled her eyes, because despite her reservations, she knew Henry was right. He and Regina were quick to leave, Regina pulling a confused Robin along with her. Emma was quick to stand, Killian taking a deep breath before approaching her as well.

"Do you want to go back to the house and talk?" Emma asked him, glancing down at her feet.

"I thought I wasn't welcome there." Killian responded in a monotone.

 _Ouch._

"You're always welcome there, Killian." Emma sighed. "Let's go home and talk. Please."

Killian took a deep breath before nodding. "Alright, yeah."

The walk back home was awkward and silent, both of the standing a foot apart. Emma unlocked the door with a sigh, stepping inside. The lights were off and the house was a mess, but that was mostly because Killian had done all the cleaning and Emma and Henry didn't feel like it while he wasn't there.

"I don't really know what to say." Killian said when the door was shut behind her.

Before she was able to response, they heard the fall of paws onto the floor from Emma's bed, and then the same four paws bounding down the stairs at the sound of Killian's voice. Maya jumped off the stairs and ran to jump up on Killian, clearly having missed her favorite person for the past three days.

Killian smiled widely as he picked up the growing puppy, both of them assaulting each other with kisses. The sight made Emma smile, and she realized she knew exactly what to say.

"I do." Emma told him once he placed the puppy on the floor. "I screwed up. I was angry and stupid and being my own paranoid self. Moving in has been a lot, and I guess I was just overwhelmed. So I stupidly looked for a way out of this, but I've realized over the past few days that I don't want out of this. These past few months were perfect, and I've been more miserable over these past few days than I have since we got together. So I want you to come back and stop sleeping on Regina's couch, because that _cannot_ be good for your back."

Killian bit his lip. "To be fair, I haven't been sleeping on her couch. She's got loads of rooms in that house."

"Not relevant right now." Emma responded, taking a small step towards him.

Killian shook his head. "No, it's not. But what is relevant is that we were both irrational and stupid and said some things we regret. And we were just both too stubborn to admit the fact that were both miserable. But I love you. And our home, and our family. So I would be more than happy to come home."

Emma smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning his forehead against his. "I love you too."

His lips met hers, and the fighting of the past few days suddenly didn't matter, but were completely worth it.

Needless to say, she'll never look at the stairs the same again.

* * *

Their fight, if it does anything beneficial, makes their relationship stronger. The days the spent apart make them want to spend all their time together afterwards, and they do. Killian visits her at the station and they meet each other at Granny's for their lunch break, both of them squeezed into one side of the booth and disgusting all the other customers. But that doesn't matter, because they don't care if everyone knows they're happy and that they love each other, so they ignore the judgmental looks shot their way and eat their lunch in peace.

So when he brings up having a dinner party one Wednesday at lunch, Emma thinks it's a brilliant idea.

Emma sucks at cooking, but Killian has developed quite a knack for it since they moved in. It's odd, how much he loves cooking, but he makes dinner for her and Henry most nights. Occasionally, on the days where he works and Emma gets home early, she makes an attempt to cook but ends up getting take out.

Which is why Emma is watching him make chicken, broccoli and ziti on the Sunday afternoon when they are supposed to host the party. He has garlic bread and rolls in the oven and Regina brining lasagna, and has Emma making a cheese and cracker plate. He's also making some sort of appetizer with peppers and cheese and bacon and the entire thing makes her mouth water.

Placing the crackers on the table, Emma wraps her arms around his waist from the back. The entire kitchen smells delightful, and Maya is sitting at the doorway to the kitchen drooling, waiting for something to fall. "You know," Emma whispers into his shoulder. "You look _extremely_ sexy making dinner."

She could tell he was smirking when he responded, "Do I?"

Emma hummed in response.

"Well, I would do something about it, but I don't think our guests would be very happy about burnt dinner." Killian told her. She stood on her tiptoes to look over his shoulder while he cooked the chicken in the pan, the broccoli steaming right next to it and the pasta cooking on the other stove stop.

Emma groaned. "Or, you could ignore the guests and kiss the woman you love."

"I don't know…" Killian teased. "As much as I do love you, I am particularly excited to see how this recipe turns out."

Emma rolled her eyes before placing a kiss on the back of his neck, one hand running across his back. "Well, you could ignore the dinner and skip right to dessert."

"Your parents are bringing dessert, Love." Killian responded.

Emma made a disgusted noise. "Okay, mood officially ruined."

She made a move to turn around and walk into the living room, but a hand and a hook stopped her by grabbing her waist before she could leave. Killian spun her around and pinned her between the counter and his hips, nose inches away from hers.

Killian smirked as she sucked in a breath, hands moving to where her thighs were exposed by the hem of her red dress. He reached down to lift her legs up and wrap them around his waist, breath ghosting over her lips.

"Ruined now, Swan?" He questioned, dinner forgotten.

Emma bit her lip. "I don't know. Mentioning my parents really ruined it all."

"How about now?" Killian asked, lips ghosting over her neck and shoulder. "Because I've got five minutes before I have to take meal off the stove."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Killian?"

"Aye?" He responded, teeth biting into her collarbone.

"Stop talking about the meal and kiss me."

The dinner party goes exceedingly well despite their short break, her parents and brother bringing a chocolate cakes with strawberries on it. Regina brings her lasagna and Robin brings a box of beer, which her father, boyfriend and he enjoy greatly despite all the children there. Belle and a newly mortal Mr. Gold bring white wine and macaroons, which are delicious despite Killian's initial reservations. Robin's new daughter comes along with them, the baby thankfully looking more like the father than her mother. Killian gladly holds the baby while Regina and Robin eat, and when Belle announces she's pregnant, Emma can't help but wonder having a baby of her own with Killian would be like.

* * *

It's a nine months after they move in that they scar Henry for life.

He's nearing fifteen at this point, so Emma and Killian agree to leave him home alone for their date night. It's been a few months since they went out last, and with the chaos of moving and puppies and her brother's first birthday, the forget to celebrate their one year anniversary.

And by forget, they mean they don't celebrate for a few months.

And by a few months, the mean six.

So Killian takes her out to the restaurant where they had their first date, and they both get dressed up, with her wearing a black and white dress and him a button down shirt and pants. She wears her push up bra because it's their anniversary and she may as well, speaking as she has _all sorts_ of plans for him when they get home.

He takes her to his ship which has an official spot at the docks and they dance for a while before he pulls away, scratching at the spot behind his ear and looking down at his feet.

"Killian, what's going on?" She asks him, stepping forward and clasping her hand with his.

Killian took a deep breath. "Well, I had all these plans for tonight. I did all the clichés, like Henry told me. First date restaurant, dancing, and I had this whole speech planned out for this, but now I'm coming up blank."

Emma smiled up at him. "You know, whatever you say, I'm going to say yes."

"Alright then." Killian chuckled nervously. "That makes my job easier."

He scratched behind his ear yet again, the gesture making Emma smile.

"Emma Swan, I love you. And I will always love you. So when I asked Henry about asking you to marry me, he was more than willing to help me write some cliché speech. But I realize now that I don't need clichés, or poetic words. I just need to tell you how much I love you, and that I'll always be there for you, no matter what time, place or realm I have to follow you to. And I want to make it official. I want to marry you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to expand our family with you. So, my love, will you marry me?"

There were tears in Emma's eyes by the end, and she took another step forward to grab the small box in his hand. Opening the box, she found a silver ring with a ruby gem in the middle. With a gasp, Emma said, "it's beautiful."

"Aye. It was my mother's." Killian smiled. "But you never did answer my question."

Emma rolled her eyes. "What do you think, Jones?" Emma lunged forwards and kissed him hard, the action proving difficult by the smiles on both their lips. "Of course I'll marry you. I love you."

Killian beamed at her, pulling the ring out of the box and placed it on her ring finger, the both of them pulling them towards each other again. "What do you say, Swan?" His devious smirk promised something she knew would come anyways. "How about we get home so I can ravish my fiancé properly?"

"I say that sounds perfect." Emma responded, linking her left hand with hers, both of the running their fingers over the ring.

Once at the door, she was hardly able to focus on opening the door. Killian's hands worked to unbutton the buttons of her coat while his lips moved her neck, making her gasp when he bit down lightly. When the door opened, he pushed her in quickly, pinning her back against the door while he shoved her coat off her shoulders, hand reaching back to unzip her dress while she shoved his jackets off and unbuttoned his shirt.

"I take it the proposal went well?" She jumped away when they heard Henry's voice, reaching back to try to hold her dress up. Her son was sitting up on the couch, likely having woken up when the door opened.

Emma and Killian's faces flushed with embarrassment.

Henry stood up, Maya following him to head upstairs. "Congrats, you two. I'll put my headphones on to prevent myself from being scarred even further."

He ran up the stairs and slammed his door shut, Maya following him in. After seeing his reaction and knowing he could no longer hear them, Emma blushed even deeper, burying her face in Killian's chest. She felt him chuckle lightly before kissing her on the forehead. She pulled away lightly, and although she was still reeling from their encounter with Henry, she let him press his lips to hers and pick her up and wrap her legs around his waist, the two of them making good use out of the bliss that came from being engaged.

* * *

They tell her parents a few days later at their house during their monthly Sunday dinner, her mother screeching loudly and embracing her daughter while her father clapped Killian on the shoulder. Snow fawned over Emma's ring while David asked about the details of how Killian asked her, which Killian was quick to provide. Just an hour later Snow was sitting on the couch in the living room and going through wedding plans with the two of them. The couple quickly told her that they had been engaged for a few days and hadn't planned anything yet, other than the fact that they wanted it to be soon and small.

Her mother, on the other hand, wanted seven months of preparation and a wedding with the _entire_ town invited. Emma buried her head in the crook of Killian's neck and groaned, knowing that some sort of compromise would be near impossible.

In the end, Emma and Killian get married-well, to them-that night while they're lying in bed, Killian informing her that his status as the captain of a ship made him capable of marrying people. Although Killian insisted they should wait and hear what her mother had to say, Emma ignored him and told him to marry them anyways, promising him that they could do a ceremony later if he wanted but she didn't want to not be married to him for another second.

So their wedding, in their minds, takes place in their bedroom in their big Victorian house with their now full grown dog lying on the floor while they were in their pajamas and Emma only had a pair of his socks for her something blue and one of his shirts for something borrowed and her red leather jacket for something old with nothing for her something new but she didn't even care because she was finally getting married to the man she would love for the rest of her life.

The only person they tell is Henry, but that's only because he all but guess it a few days later. Killian goes out to lunch with Belle a few days later and tells her they're engaged, and Emma does the same thing with Regina. Killian tells Robin and Emma tells Ruby before she sends a letter to Arrendale to Elsa.

In everyone else's minds, they get married five months later in their backyard, with Emma in a big white dress and with Elsa's blue shoes for something blue and her mother's tiara for something borrowed _and_ old and a necklace that Killian gave her for something new. Her father walks her down the aisle and then runs to stand next to Killian, Robin and Henry while Emma hands her bouquet to Elsa and then smiles at Ruby and Belle, and no matter how beautiful the ceremony was, it didn't matter because _technically,_ they were already married.

(Killian carries her through the door to their home later that night, while Henry and Maya are staying at Regina's so they take advantage of their empty house and celebrate their second wedding night the way it should be celebrated).

(Which is why it's no surprise to anyone when Liam David Jones is born nine months later, filling one of the empty rooms in the big house. The house doesn't feel as small anymore, not with baby clothes and toys strewn all over the house).

(And then when Hope Leia Jones is born two years after her big brother, the other room is filled and not old are Liam's toys all over the house but so are Hope's, and the big Victorian house that they moved into years ago has never felt more like home).


End file.
